This year's JP Morgan Corporate Challenge was the best yet. Note to self, travel with the George Positioning System every chance you get. He knows where it's at, indeed where everything is at in the Bay Area. He worked as a tour guide.
It was the coldest race I've ever attended. Fog was low over the Golden Gate Bridge, and a chill wind whipped across Chrissy Field. Runners were huddled on the leeward side of the few structures on the field, like sheep hiding behind hedges.
We shuddered and hopped around and made jokes about the people handing out the free iced coffee and free iced fruit drinks. Yeah, right. Someone passing out hot apple cider would have needed a riot squad for protection.
Finally, we were told that the race was about to start. We lined up and faceless amplified voices boomed out warmup instructions. Then there were speeches and more speeches, and some reporter also talked, but I don't watch TV, so I didn't recognize her voice. It would have been nice if they'd changed the order and did the speeches first, then the warmup, because we were cooling down but at least massed together, penguin-runners on the ice floe.
Then we were off! Okay, the front of the pack was off. A minute or so later my part of the flock began to shuffle forward in the way harried commuters shuffle into crowded trains, elbows in, careful steps, trying not to bump each other. Eight thousand feet trying to find room to run.
I ran for a while and didn't see anyone I recognized until I saw Danette just ahead. "Ah," I said, "If I can keep pace with her, that will get me through the race with a reasonable time."
So I ran and ran, and I wondered about the people on their cell phones while they were running this race. What's with that? "Hello? Oh hi... Nothing much, just running a race. Sure I'll pick up some takeout on the way home. Watchu uptwo?"
Then I paused in my wondering and noticed that I couldn't see Danette anywhere. I was pretty sure I hadn't passed her.
Oh well, the die is cast, we must struggle valiantly on. It's been a while now, and I began to wonder how much further we had to go. And then I saw Robin up ahead. I figured, "Aha, I'll keep pace with her and get a not-so-pathetic time." But again, while bemusedly wondering about the carbon consumption involved in getting all these people in one place at one time to run around in a big -- well, it's not a circle really, more like a beat-up triangle -- I lost track of Robin and I was very sure I'd not passed her.
This was getting embarrassing. Almost as embarrassing as my stupid idea of hiring my son to be a trainer in preparing for this race. The idea was that he'd run with me as training. Well, he has his own training regimen, it's called "oversleeping". By staying in bed as long as possible, plus three to five minutes, he has to get to school in a hurry. Normally this would mean walking, but since he uses "oversleeping" as his training regimen, he has to run the entire way. With his backpack.
So now he's a much better runner than his old man, and he has the patience of youth, which is to say "none". Our training sessions amount to: we start out running. He gains a Gignormous Lead. I meet him at the turnaround point, feet sore and winded and he's totally relaxed and razzing me.
That's when I notice Shant. Surely I can keep pace with Shant, I figure. So I run and run, and then I realize that I can't see Shant anymore either. Dang, maybe I should consider taking up his training regimen. What was that bar he mentioned the other day?
So I run and run, and I can see the finish line coming up, but it's looking awful quiet; people usually hang around at the end of the race but today I guess the extra cold and extra damp darkness is driving people home early, or so I hope. And just as I'm about to cross the finish line I notice that there's quite a racket behind me. I'm not alone!
I turn around and there a bunch of men are carrying the bright blue porta-potties away on these huge dollies coming up behind me. I'm thinking wow, that must take a lot of skill, to run this course with those porta-potties on dollies. What if it tipped over?
So I finished the race, barely beating out the guys with the blue porta-potties. Later I found out that something that cheered me up after what had been an otherwise rather depressing performance:
I beat Ignatius' time.
2014/05/23
2012/08/06
IM conversation 01
...irrelevant stuff up here
That
is mildly annoying, eh?!
"Mildly"
is an interesting way of putting it.
Okay,
hair pullingly, tooth gnashingly annoying.
just-short-of-screaming-tantrum-in-someone's-cubicle
annoying.
Ah...
I've only experienced one tantrum, but I was the object of the tantrum and not
the tantror. (Would that make me the tantree?) It was at another company and
others around were astounded that this happened. The tantror was known for
this.
I
think the word is "tantrumator". Yeah, those people are pretty unpleasant to
deal with, which is why I usually try to stop short of
that.
The
victim or target is the "tantraumatized"
Ahha!
I like your term a lot!!!!
2012/07/07
Lunch Truck Concepts
The New Hot Thing in many cities are lunch trucks that serve high-quality, gourmet meals. An example here in San Francisco is the Voodoo Van, offering such double-entendre delights as the Skirtlifter (a steak sandwich), Famous JuJu Balls, and the Tranny Chaser, a Setain and cole slaw vegetarian sandwich. A while back a coworker whom I shall call John and I came upon the Voodoo Van, placed our orders and went back to our office to eat at our desks.
We sit at opposite ends of a short hallway of cubicles, one of those modern open workspace plan (aka "cheap"). A few minutes of chowing down, John suddenly calls out to me, "Greg, did you also get the Tranny Chaser?"
"Uhm, yeah. Why?"
"Does it squeak when you bite it?"
Okay. I circle around to John and try to point out to him that some people in the office may be sensitive to such a conversation.
"Why?"
"Well, didn't you notice that all of the names of the items at the Voodoo Van are all double entendres?
"Yeah. So?"
It finally dawned on me to ask, "do you know what's meant by Tranny Chaser?" He didn't, so I explained it.
"Oh-h-h-h-h," he said. I thought they meant like a transmission on a car!" He grew up in the midwest. What can I say?
Anyway, I've been thinking of some concepts for a lunch truck.
We sit at opposite ends of a short hallway of cubicles, one of those modern open workspace plan (aka "cheap"). A few minutes of chowing down, John suddenly calls out to me, "Greg, did you also get the Tranny Chaser?"
"Uhm, yeah. Why?"
"Does it squeak when you bite it?"
Okay. I circle around to John and try to point out to him that some people in the office may be sensitive to such a conversation.
"Why?"
"Well, didn't you notice that all of the names of the items at the Voodoo Van are all double entendres?
"Yeah. So?"
It finally dawned on me to ask, "do you know what's meant by Tranny Chaser?" He didn't, so I explained it.
"Oh-h-h-h-h," he said. I thought they meant like a transmission on a car!" He grew up in the midwest. What can I say?
Anyway, I've been thinking of some concepts for a lunch truck.
The War Zone
A seriously beat up van covered with old graffiti, scorch marks and faux bullet holes. Serves up:
- Bloodbath Ribs
- Hamburger Hill Burgers
- Coup de Taters
- Insurrection Salad
- Just Desserts
Climate Change Naysayers
Global warming? No problem. It's not happening, and if it is happening, it's a Good Thing. All items are imported to maximize their carbon footprint. Features:
- High methane meat dishes
- New Zealand Lamb
- Argentinean Beef Briskets
- Green House Greens
- High Fructose Corn Syrup with Almonds
2012/03/28
How Did Healthcare Get Equated to Broccoli?
As the debate over health care reform rages through the Supreme Court, I have to wonder how the arguments became so supremely silly. Broccoli as an analogy to healthcare? Seriously?
Perhaps a better argument could be made that healthcare is like the interstate highway system. Everyone who pays federal taxes pays for some portion of those highways. There are no doubt many people who could meet their business, shopping and social needs without using any interstate highway, but very few people protest paying the taxes for them. Anyone who demanded that the feds get out of the highway business and leave it to the free market would probably not get taken seriously.
Just as the highways deliver a common good (mobility, promotion of commerce), a national healthcare system would provide a common good in providing health care to millions. It's the humane thing to do.
Unfortunately, the court isn't considering arguments of this form, and because constitutional dogmatism has replaced pragmatic consideration over what is actually best for the nation, it seems unlikely that healthcare reform will carry the day.
Perhaps a better argument could be made that healthcare is like the interstate highway system. Everyone who pays federal taxes pays for some portion of those highways. There are no doubt many people who could meet their business, shopping and social needs without using any interstate highway, but very few people protest paying the taxes for them. Anyone who demanded that the feds get out of the highway business and leave it to the free market would probably not get taken seriously.
Just as the highways deliver a common good (mobility, promotion of commerce), a national healthcare system would provide a common good in providing health care to millions. It's the humane thing to do.
Unfortunately, the court isn't considering arguments of this form, and because constitutional dogmatism has replaced pragmatic consideration over what is actually best for the nation, it seems unlikely that healthcare reform will carry the day.
2011/11/13
What the Presidential Debates Need
An eight-way chess clock. Each candidate gets 10 minutes to answer all questions they receive, and any left at the end of questions could be used as the candidate wishes. Candidates who zero out the time on their clocks have their microphone turned off. If that isn't good enough, then it's time to be escorted off the stage.
Or: No Time Limit At All. Let them go at it as long as they want. Any time they look like they're losing steam, that's when the moderator tosses out another question.
Disinfo-meters on the Screen. As candidates are speaking, dials along the bottom show how relevant the answer is to the question, the degrees of factual the content and/or hypocrisy in the answer.
2011/09/10
You've Got USPS Email
Recent news about the United States Postal Service has been mostly bad. Buffeted by a massive shift to electronic media and the recession, the USPS is struggling to maintain its existence, much less its relevance.
So, perhaps it's time for USPS to do email. Consider what the postal service offer to physical mail, that could be extended to email:
The postal service provides a guarantee that your mail was private. Opening it without a court order or a similar special dispensation, or tampering with it in any way, is breaking federal law.
Nothing like it holds for public sector email. Google and other major providers reserve the right to scour your email, to better target you for advertising.I really don't like the way the content of my email is scraped for ad targeting. Or the ads themselves, for that matter. Leaving email in the hands of the Googles and Microsofts of the world is uncomfortable at best and eventually it will lead to serious problems. I'm sure there will come a day when Google lawyers will equivocate on the company's "Do no evil" byline with the argument, "it depends on what your definition of 'evil' is."
Corporate email goes even deeper into this hole. Anything in your business email account is the property of the employer, who can inspect it, back it up, delete it or do pretty much as they please with it.
Consumers could pay a nominal subscription fee for a USPS email account, but then, we're used to paying postage for physical mail already. And the payment would comes with guarantees regarding privacy and delivery.
Email Scams
Committing a crime using the mail is a crime itself, and it has teeth: imprisonment up to 20 years, and a fine of up to $1 million. It'd be something if email were similarly protected.
While this won't eliminate spam, it could help control the problem. Spam-vertisers -- excuse me, legitimate bulk email advertisers -- could pay fees for the privilege of sending email to people that have opted into their mailing lists. Those fees could cover the bulk of the post office' IT costs, much as bulk mail subsidizes traditional mail costs.
No Banner Ads (Or Maybe Not)
If the USPS did put up banner ads on their site, they'd probably be the kinds of ads you already see in the post office: USPS products and services, the "ten most wanted" list, and pointers to other government services. How did the post office become the place to get passports done, anyway? This isn't a bad thing. At least the banner ads would have a sensible context, unlike what Yahoo scrapes up. And the ads should not be the bulk of their earned revenue.
So, perhaps it's time for USPS to do email. Consider what the postal service offer to physical mail, that could be extended to email:
- An assurance of privacy, backed by federal law
- A legally enforced prohibition on mail scams
- A promise of a best effort to deliver
- No banner ads (okay, maybe not)
The postal service provides a guarantee that your mail was private. Opening it without a court order or a similar special dispensation, or tampering with it in any way, is breaking federal law.
Nothing like it holds for public sector email. Google and other major providers reserve the right to scour your email, to better target you for advertising.I really don't like the way the content of my email is scraped for ad targeting. Or the ads themselves, for that matter. Leaving email in the hands of the Googles and Microsofts of the world is uncomfortable at best and eventually it will lead to serious problems. I'm sure there will come a day when Google lawyers will equivocate on the company's "Do no evil" byline with the argument, "it depends on what your definition of 'evil' is."
Corporate email goes even deeper into this hole. Anything in your business email account is the property of the employer, who can inspect it, back it up, delete it or do pretty much as they please with it.
Consumers could pay a nominal subscription fee for a USPS email account, but then, we're used to paying postage for physical mail already. And the payment would comes with guarantees regarding privacy and delivery.
Email Scams
Committing a crime using the mail is a crime itself, and it has teeth: imprisonment up to 20 years, and a fine of up to $1 million. It'd be something if email were similarly protected.
While this won't eliminate spam, it could help control the problem. Spam-vertisers -- excuse me, legitimate bulk email advertisers -- could pay fees for the privilege of sending email to people that have opted into their mailing lists. Those fees could cover the bulk of the post office' IT costs, much as bulk mail subsidizes traditional mail costs.
No Banner Ads (Or Maybe Not)
If the USPS did put up banner ads on their site, they'd probably be the kinds of ads you already see in the post office: USPS products and services, the "ten most wanted" list, and pointers to other government services. How did the post office become the place to get passports done, anyway? This isn't a bad thing. At least the banner ads would have a sensible context, unlike what Yahoo scrapes up. And the ads should not be the bulk of their earned revenue.
2011/02/04
Other People's (Planet) Money
Recently, Planet Money on NPR broadcast a story about the three reports of the Financial Crisis Inquiry Commission. There's the majority report (the Democratic Party's), the minority report (the official Republican Party version) and the minority minority report (I won't even go there).
The story goes into some detail contrasting the two versions, then they comes to the conclusion that the Dem version says the crisis was avoidable, and the Republican version said that the crisis was not. Their conclusion is confirmed by Keith Hennessey, one of the authors of the minority report.
Of course that would have to be the Republican position. If the crisis was avoidable, then Republic economic policy must be bankrupt (forgive the pun). It was the Republican party that appointed Allen Greenspan to the Federal Reserve, who in turn pushed a laissez faire attitude towards the derivatives market and investment banks. It was the Republicans who pushed for free market "reforms: and deregulation of the financial industries for the last thirty years, and it was the Republicans that dominated either the White House, or Congress, or both, for that period.
The story goes into some detail contrasting the two versions, then they comes to the conclusion that the Dem version says the crisis was avoidable, and the Republican version said that the crisis was not. Their conclusion is confirmed by Keith Hennessey, one of the authors of the minority report.
Of course that would have to be the Republican position. If the crisis was avoidable, then Republic economic policy must be bankrupt (forgive the pun). It was the Republican party that appointed Allen Greenspan to the Federal Reserve, who in turn pushed a laissez faire attitude towards the derivatives market and investment banks. It was the Republicans who pushed for free market "reforms: and deregulation of the financial industries for the last thirty years, and it was the Republicans that dominated either the White House, or Congress, or both, for that period.
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