Jan 2005 -- Realizing how inefficient it was to inspect passenger's shoes at the airport, the airlines instituted a new policy: passengers are given comfortable slip-on booties to wear during the flight. Passenger shoes are placed in a container that is then X-rayed with the rest of the luggage.

Aug 2005 -- Recent allegations that al Qaeda was perfecting a "coat bomb" that detonates when the jacket is briskly zipped up spurred the airlines into introducing a new security measure. Now along with their shoes, passengers are asked to change from their street clothes into a comfortable, one-piece jumpsuit to wear during the flight. Unfortunately, the only color that was available in large quantities was International Orange.

Sept 2005 -- Did we say coat bomb? We meant "wig bomb". It turns out that thousands of metal detectors around the country can't detect significant amounts of metal carried above neck level, and that al Qaeda is perfecting a bomb that mimics a bouffant hair style, or could fit within a turban, a shaggy beard, a bowler hat, or other headdress.

Now all airline passengers are requested to wear their hair short, or submit to random scalp and beard inspections. Barbers and styling salons are opening in airports all across the US for travellers in need of a quick shearing before boarding.

And so on, until passengers boarding a plane look like so many convicts.